Are you like a Tootsie-pop?

by Dating Goddess on January 9, 2012

“A Tootsie-pop? Really?” you say.

You know, the kids’ treat.

“How can I, an accomplished, midlife woman, be like a Tootsie-pop?” you ask.

Good question. Let me explain.


In a conversation with a pal who’d like to be a suitor, he was explaining my appeal. “You have this tough, businesslike, ‘don’t mess with me’ exterior. But inside, you’re soft and gooey.”

“Like a Tootsie-pop!” I exclaimed.

“Exactly. Soft and delicious once you get past the hard shell.”

It got me thinking about how many other women are Tootsie-pop-like. We have developed a demeanor that shows we are not to be toyed with. Yet inside, we are vulnerable, soft and tender. Many men are intimidated by the exterior, so few get to see our gooey insides.

We know men find confidence attractive, but so is softness. So how do we balance the two? How do we allow the gooeyness to ooze through the hard shell so they will see we aren’t impenetrable?

I think the answer is the same as with the Tootsie-pop. The outer shell is only pierced after some time and attention. It’s not like a boxed chocolate piece — the inside easily accessed. No. With a Tootsie-pop, one must make a commitment to getting to the inside. It takes time. Biting through the exterior is not easy. You have to coax out the yummy center through prolonged contact.

And so it is with us Tootsie-pop gals. In order to access our soft, delicious center, a man has to commit some time to us and give us the attention we deserve.

Are you a Tootsie-pop woman? If so, why?

______________________

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Rachel Fenno January 9, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I AM like a tootsie pop! The outer shell is generally hard until someone HONEST can pierce it and see the soft, gooey, chocolatey, wanting-to-be-a princess inside. I feel like we have been really bamboozled by fairy tales. Princess–really??

Suzy Weiss January 10, 2012 at 2:53 pm

What a great analogy, the Tootsie Pop. I do think a lot of men are confused about how to deal with today’s independent, self assured woman.

If you think about it women across the globe are coming into their own power unlike generations before them. This paradigm shift is bound to change relationships between men and woman across the board.

Whether its politics, justice for women or romance a change is taking place and a learning curve will follow in how men and women relate to one another.

It’s an interesting time to be a woman.

krista January 16, 2012 at 7:57 am

Women truly looking for love must open up and expose their gooey center, only then can anything real develop. Without taking the risk, one cannot reap the rewards.

Rosemary Breen|Compatibility and Love January 20, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Is it up to us to dissolve our shells or for men to come along and break them for us? I would hope the former.

Cheers

R

seaneen January 21, 2012 at 6:35 am

Nailed it exactly!
I have often said it takes some time to get to know me- and I you- before I will even contemplate the possibility of more.

Those that try are not common, and those worth it are rare; but once you’ve proven your honor, respect, honesty, and friendship, oh my, does that pay off if the man makes the effort and turns out to be worthy of mine!

Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach January 30, 2012 at 8:10 am

DG – You have started a great conversation here! And the comments are thought provoking – much like which came first – the chicken or the egg? Here’s my take as a dating coach for women over 40:

I think its the “promise” of the gooey center, beneath the hard exterior, that brings on a man’s interest and curiosity. I can see why women want a man prove himself first before they show this side. Yet, can you expect a heart connection if you aren’t willing to be a little bit vulnerable?

My advice? Show your warmth and feminine nature and entice him with your gooey center. This peak gives him the desire to find out more.

You don’t need to swing the door to your heart wide open to do this. That should require a man to show consistency and true interest.

But find ways to let your femininity show. Your softness and gooey center is your feminine charm – men want a woman who is confident yes, but still knows how to connect with her feminine side. It is your feminine charm that attracts a man to you and wins a man over.

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