Are you an interchangeable cog?

by Dating Goddess on September 24, 2013

Most midlife singles have a vision of what they’d like their lives to be like in 5, 10 or 20 years. They imagine adventure trips abroad, luxury cruises, quietly enjoying their homes, or domestic RV trips. They may (or may not) have the resources to enjoy their dreams.

There’s only one thing missing.

A partner.

Preferably a romantic one, not a pal.

They see themselves enjoying their future life, but they have a placeholder image of the person accompanying them. Kind of like the silhouette images on dating sites when someone hasn’t posted a picture online.

These singles know generally what they want in a partner, but they’re really not that picky. Anyone who meets the basic criteria would be acceptable.

You now enter the picture and begin dating. You meet the guy’s basic mate description, but so could hundreds of other women. You enjoy each other’s company and make each other laugh. Within weeks of starting to go out, he’s sharing his vision of you two traveling abroad, spending holidays in the tropics and adventuring in his not-yet-acquired RV.

You are simultaneously enthralled that’s he’s interested in being a couple long-term, yet a little put off that he barely knows you and is already inserting you in his 5-, 10- and 20-year plans. You have a nagging feeling.

You feel you could be just an interchangeable cog in his future dreams. You wonder is it you he wants to spend the rest of his life with, or just any woman meeting his minimum requirements.

Time will tell, of course, if he’s really into you. But you don’t know how to take his future-projecting right now. You learn to not let it bother you and stay in the present to see how you feel about him.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Brenda September 24, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Yes, DG, I was always a little put-off by the men who inserted me into their forever plans prematurely. It’s a delicate balance.Now that you mention it, I think that I was probably an interchangeable cog for a lot of men!

johnc September 24, 2013 at 7:07 pm

What about the flip side? If a guy doesn’t mention you in his plans, dreams, aspirations?

Dating Goddess September 25, 2013 at 1:14 pm

John:

I think the difference is time. At the beginning of dating someone, if he talks about doing something next week or even next month, okay. But planning next year’s holidays, or 5 years ago seems a bit pre-mature. It’s fine to think that, but know that some women will be put off if the discussion comes too early.

BTW, I’m guilty of at least thinking of the future together too early. I’ve mentally mapped where my furniture would go in a guy’s house that I’d only dated for a month! Oy! But luckily I didn’t speak these plans aloud.

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