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Approaching dating as a project

The other day Internet Guy and I talked about the process of dating. He said he’s been put off by women who are assertive (aggressive?) about their dating time line. On the first date, he’s been told by more than one woman that she wants to be married within the year and begin a family soon afterward. They have their life plan mapped out and are just missing one thing — a man.

I said they were approaching dating as a project. So we played with the various milestones one would list if you were creating a project plan for your next love. Tongue in cheek, here’s my fleshing out the concept.

Project milestones for finding mate

  1. Find prospective mates.
  2. Narrow down the list.
  3. Make first contact (either initiate or respond). If online dating, via email.
  4. Talk on the phone.
  5. Set up first date.
  6. Have first date.
  7. Decide if there will be second encounter. If not, go back to #1.
  8. Go on subsequent dates.
  9. Have first kiss. (This might be concurrent with #6.)
  10. Progress with physical affection and emotional bonding.
  11. Decide to become exclusive.
  12. Sex. (Hopefully, this comes after #11.) If not satisfying go back to #1.
  13. Go away for the weekend. (#12 may be concurrent with this.)
  14. Meet his/her friends. (This may come before or after #12, 13 or 15.)
  15. Meet his/her family. (This may come before or after #12, 13 or 14.)
  16. Go on vacation together.
  17. Move in together.
  18. Become engaged. (This may come before #17.)
  19. Marriage. (This may or may not follow #18.)
  20. Kids (or not). (This may or may not follow #18 and 19.)
  21. Death or divorce (If his is the former, or if the latter, go back to #1.)

What milestones have I left out?

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This entry was posted on Thursday, December 28th, 2006 at 12:03 am and is filed under Dating after 40, Getting your dating attitude on. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will appear immediately, but I reserve the right to delete innapropriate comments.

9 Comments on “Approaching dating as a project”

  1. Bruce Daley Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 1:19 pm

    This looks a lot like a list for someone in his or her early twenties. You forgot to add such milestones as:

    1) Do his kids like me?
    2) Do I like his kids?
    3) Does he like my kids?
    4) Do my kids like him?
    5) Do the kids like each other?
    6) Will he support me?
    7) Will I support him? 8) Will we share expenses equally?
    9) What city will we live in?

  2. Dating Goddess Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    Dearest Bruce:

    Ah. Since I don’t have kids, nor do I often date men who have younger kids, these questions wouldn’t be in my milestones. But I can see how they would/should be in yours.

    And do #6 & 7 refer to financial support or emotional support?

    And perhaps #9 should be “Where will we live? His place? My place? A new place?”

    Thanks for the contribution!

  3. Ally Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 9:25 pm

    If we’re talking Tongue-in-Cheek/full in earnest:
    5a. Buy dating clothes for first 3 dates.
    11a. Buy new underwear

  4. traci Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 11:20 pm

    Yikes. But then I have always hated lists . . .

    Personally, I am hoping to be browsing books somewhere and bump into Superman, who just happens to be considering the same book that I am considering . . . ;o)

    Oh Superman, where are you? *grin*

  5. Elena Says:
    December 29th, 2006 at 6:12 am

    What about the milestone of meeting the ex-wife? And then the milestone of forming a friendship with the ex-wife after the relationship with the guy is over? (Hee, hee.)

  6. Bruce Daley Says:
    December 31st, 2006 at 11:11 am

    Elana why would you want to be friends with that bitch?

  7. Annonymous Says:
    January 1st, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    I have to admit that this list was very helpful. I have been in a relationship for about a year now that has been a bit stuck. Due to circumstances, I haven’t been able to get the relationship on track (I know that she is waiting for me do put things right). Seeing it in print and in a list form makes it a lot easier to see where we should go, which wouldn’t be obvious with the compexities involved in this particular relationship.

    Plus, as a guy, I have to say how important Ally’s comment above about #11a is. Granny panties can go a long way in preventing #12.

    :)

  8. Bruce Daley Says:
    January 2nd, 2007 at 11:09 am

    Sorry Anonymous, but I have to disagree. Speaking as a guy, if you are that close to closing, seeing granny panties is not going to queer the deal.

  9. datingdork Says:
    April 7th, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Hehhe. Of course nothing is always so simple as a list. But it does help, especially with guys. We tend to plan things out when it comes to dating. Usually because we are nervous and don’t know what to expect. I’m sure it’s true for some women as well.

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