A suitor in every (air)port

by Dating Goddess on August 15, 2011

My mother would refer to a single, traveling ladies’ man as someone who “had a girl in every port.” Just like many of the sailors she knew as a young woman.

Now, as a traveling woman yet to find a local man I want to date regularly, I’m finding I have gentlemen in various parts of the country. I saw a favorite for a drink in his local airport hotel bar during a 2-hour layover yesterday.

Another picked me up from his nearby airport, took me for a drink and delivered me to my hotel. One took me to dinner and dancing near his home base. Another fetched me from an out-of-town client engagement and drove me to my friend’s home 5 hours away. We had a fun time during the journey getting to know each other better than we had on the phone.

While I’m not an advocate of getting in the car of a man I haven’t met, I’d been talking to each of these guys for a while. So even though I yearn for a local man to enjoy local events, if a geographically undesirable man is interesting enough, I’ll accept his invitation to get together if I know I’ll be in his area.

I’m careful to set boundaries and not lead him to think that I’m looking for a 1-night stand, nor is our distance-challenged situation optimal. I’ve tried long-distance relationships and I find that visiting each other every few weeks just doesn’t let us get to know each other in the way I want.

Am I as guilty of being a “player” like the sailors my mother referenced? Since I’m honest and transparent, I don’t feel I’m being duplicitous. If we both enjoy each other’s company and don’t try to take advantage of the other, then there’s no harm. Hurt happens when one begins to have more feelings than the other, but that can happen in any relationship, whether local or not.

Have you tried meeting singles out of your area? Tell us any lessons you learned.

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Want to know how to ethically date several people at once? Get your copy of Multidating Responsibly: Play the Field Without Being A Player.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

katie August 16, 2011 at 8:32 pm

This raises some interesting Qs. I work seasonally in an adventurous job 1300 miles from my midwestern home. Spending half a year in each location makes dating a bit complicated, to say the least, as there are interested men in both locations. I’m up front with guys; they know I’m not looking for a LTR in my situation. Yet, my main ‘love language’ is physical touch and I thoroughly enjoy hugs and kisses. I’m not sleeping with anybody. What is appropriate for your man-in-every-port, or my guys-in-different-states? I don’t quite know.

Anna August 19, 2011 at 11:19 am

This is a significant breakthrough for women’s equality. Not to say DG that you do have a “sailor in every port” in a sleazy way but what harm is it to connect with guys and have a nice time being admired by the opposite sex if you are happy with that. Its nice to be taken out to dinner and admired and if you have one in every (air) port I say good luck to you and have fun :)
I cannot say that would substitute permanetly for a romantic partner back home but while looking back home, cannot be wrong to enjoy yourself while you are traveling.

Dating Goddess August 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Anita — glad you agree!

Katie — I think as long as you are honest from the beginning about what you’re looking for and your boundaries, I think you’re fine.

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