Gamification of midlife dating

by Dating Goddess on March 21, 2016

Tinder: dating after 40In case the word is unfamiliar to you, gamification is when you apply typical elements of game playing to everyday activities. Fast food restaurants give you instant scratchers for rewards. Grocery stores give you points toward reduced gas prices. Airlines and credit cards give you points that can be redeemed for travel or merchandise.

The most addicting of these programs are the ones that offer instant gratification, like  scratch off lottery tickets. Humans like instant reward as it stimulates the brain’s pleasure receptors.
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Twerking grannies

by Dating Goddess on February 17, 2016

A common misconception is that midlife women have lost their libido, no longer feeling sexy. While this is true for some, the stereotype is that it’s true for all. However, those of us in this age category know better.

In my dance-exercise class, we have a routine where we twerk to a song. We laugh as our creaking bodies do our best Miley Cyrus imitation — but without the revealing clothing. We bounce our booties in our yoga pants and loose clothing.

Watching these 40-, 50-, 60-, 70- and even one 80-year-old women bouncing to the beat makes me wonder if they feel sexy doing this. Do these moms and grandmas have a twinge of lustiness while making suggestive moves? Or do they feel that part of their life has passed?

I don’t know these women well, although I see many of them 3 to 4 times a week. I have no idea if they are married, have boyfriends/girlfriends or are dating. Or if they feel the sexually active part of their life has passed.

But I do notice their smiles and laughter as we have fun doing the moves. I think there is still fire in many of them.

And I’m happy to be among the twerking grannies.

What about you? Do you find suggestive dancing gets you fired up? Is having a sexual relationship important to you? Is that part of why you’re dating?

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Losing interest

by Dating Goddess on December 14, 2015

A common complaint among women dating after 40 is that men just go poof. They suddenly stop calling, texting or emailing. There wasn’t a fight. No responding to your outreach. They just disappear.

While I think it is a coward’s way to end any kind of connection, even if just a few dates, I understand that many men are conflict averse when it comes to women. They don’t want a fight and they certainly don’t want a woman in tears. It seems that tears are a man’s kryptonite — it renders them powerless.
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“I want to make love to you.”

by Dating Goddess on September 22, 2015

The first time I heard this, I was flattered. I thought my date must think I’m sexy, attractive, appealing and special.

Now I’ve heard this too often on the first or second date. In the beginning, I wondered, “He barely knows me. How does he know he wants to get intimate?”

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Nice guys can be too nice

by Dating Goddess on September 1, 2015

Every woman dating over 40 says she wants a nice guy — you’d never think to want anyone who wasn’t.

Yet where’s the line between “nice” and “wuss”?
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Lopsided love

by Dating Goddess on August 24, 2015

Shakespeare popularized the term “unrequited love.” I had no idea how frequently this happens until I started dating after 40.

People often ask me, “Why haven’t you found someone?”

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Is he emotionally abusive?

by Dating Goddess on July 29, 2015

She said he has given her a 2-week probation to decide if he wanted to stay or go.
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When your ex dies

by Dating Goddess on July 2, 2015

My ex learned he had cancer 2 years ago. Since we didn’t keep in touch, I learned of it a year ago. He did semi-weekly podcasts for a few dozen friends to update them on his health. I listened to the previous 100 podcasts before reaching out via email.

He said he was thrilled to hear from me and was stunned that I would listen to all 100 previous podcasts. I’d asked if now we could be friends and he said he’d like nothing better. We exchanged a few emails and he said he’d like to talk about the end of our marriage as he was sure I had some questions — which I did. I asked for some good times to call since he was so overwhelmed with treatment appointments and recovery. However, he never closed the loop to set up a call, so I decided I’d make the 600 mile trip to visit him and have that discussion face to face. A few months ago, his doctors had given him 18 to 24 months, so there was plenty of time.
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How much mind space does he take?

by Dating Goddess on June 19, 2015

When I’m smitten, or even in the beginning of a budding relationship, I think about the guy a lot.

“I wonder how his day is going. Should I text him?
“I should ask if he wants to come over for dinner Friday.”
“I need to ask him why his marriage broke up.”
“I think I’ll ask him to accompany to the party next weekend.”

This sort of incessant chatter fills my idle thoughts. I rarely have time to think of my other interests.
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Right man; wrong continent

May 22, 2015

He was not classically good looking. He had a pronounced nose and craggy face etched from decades of intense work. But his entrancing blue eyes made everything else fade away. He stood straight so his fit 57-year-old body seemed decades younger. And when he looked at you, it felt like he really saw you. He […]

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When certainty is a bad thing in dating

May 10, 2015

Both genders say confidence is one of the most appealing attributes in a sweetie. However, there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. Certainty is part of both. Here’s an example of when certainty turned unappealing.

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